A woman (let’s call her Emma) is 39 and looking forward to helping her daughter, who we’ll call Miley, plan a small backyard wedding with her girlfriend, Angie. However, unresolved issues make the journey challenging.
A Surprise Invitation
While planning their wedding, Miley and Angie are surprised by an unexpected visit by Emma, who is hoping to reconnect with her daughter. Her mother, Miley’s grandmother, invited Emma.
However, Emma has reservations about Angie, as they share a complicated history. Miley revealed her desire to marry Angie in October, but various issues delayed their planning, adding to the wedding pressure.
Wedding Preparations Begin
Despite their differences, Emma stays to assist with the wedding planning. Over two weeks, they do tasks like selecting decor and cake flavors. The tension escalates during wedding dress shopping. Emma tries to offer input on Miley’s dress options, but her suggestions are dismissed.
When Miley tries on a mermaid-style dress, Emma comments on her post-pregnancy weight, suggesting she should “lose some baby fat” from the twins she delivered a few months previously if she wants to wear a tight dress.
A Falling Out and Cold Shoulder
Miley takes her mother’s comment to heart, feeling hurt and self-conscious. She expresses her frustration at Emma for making such a remark and insists she can choose her wedding dress.
The incident leads to an argument, and Miley leaves the store without selecting a dress.
An Unwelcome Message
Feeling troubled by the situation, Emma receives an unexpected message from Angie, who defends Miley, calling her “an angel” for giving Emma a chance despite their past conflicts. Angie harshly labels Emma as a “raging, narcissistic sociopathic jerk” and contemplates barring her from the wedding.
Emma confides in her mother and a few friends/aunts, who believe she did nothing wrong and merely offered constructive criticism. Despite their support, Emma questions her actions and the impact of her words on Miley’s feelings.
As wedding preparations continue, Emma grapples with feelings of being unwelcome and excluded. She wonders how to mend her strained relationship with Miley and Angie while finding a way to contribute positively to their special day. Since Emma shares this story in an online forum, here’s what people think.
All the Signs Were There
Someone alleges that Emma’s behavior was unwanted and invasive. Miley had stopped communicating with her, she was never invited, and her thoughts were never sought out.
Emma should have known better and avoided the situation. Since Emma and Miley don’t appear to have any trust between them, her “opinion” that Miley’s body doesn’t belong in a tight dress is bound to be hurtful.
Emma Was Too Pushy
According to one user, Emma tried to rush Miley through the process of selecting a wedding gown, a process for many that is meticulous.
It should be a time where the focus is on the bride and helping her find “the dress” that will make her feel special. Emma apparently couldn’t take another instant of making someone else feel important.
When picking out a wedding gown with a bride-to-be, Emma either does not know the rules of engagement or pretends not to. The rule states that the bride looks lovely in all the outfits, that some dresses are only “more or less flattering,” and that a bride should never be body-shamed.
It’s supposed to be a pleasant day, yet they’re already stressed enough. The rules can also be translated as “keep your mouth shut unless you have something positive to say about a dress the bride is happy in, or she directly asks you for your opinion.” A forum member adds, “If the bride asks for your opinion and you don’t like the dress, tell her you think something else would suit her better, but DO NOT actually point out the flaws as you see them.”
Emma Lost Her Role
“You’re not her mother. She doesn’t consider you her mother,” one user states flatly. She didn’t want Emma there and was putting up with it. Emma should have participated quietly but couldn’t remain silent or supportive. “You do not have the place in her life that you believe you have,” the user writes.
The Grandma, Though
According to one user, Emma’s mother is the real issue here. It was not her place to invite Emma to the wedding as a “surprise,” and the user regards it as heinous behavior.
Furthermore, because Emma was not accountable for the primary parenting role of raising her daughter, it is reasonable to believe that Emma has no right to know anything about Miley’s personal life.
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This thread inspired this post.